Real World Wedding Vows

It is my belief that most folks can't recite their wedding vows by their 5th
wedding anniversary, some even the morning after.

This I believe is because the vows deal with romance and love as opposed to
the real world. Not that i am opposed to romance and love but sometimes the real
world gets in the way.

As a service to all and in an effort to ensure a life of much romance and
love, I present, in no particular order, Real World
Wedding Vows.

Do you mutually promise in the presence of your friends and family that you
will:

• Insure that there is enough gas in the car to make a round trip to the
  most distant store having a sale


• When a passenger in a vehicle, (front seat or back), do not offer
  suggestions as to the proper way to drive unless requested to do so.


• When driving a vehicle used by more than one person, agree on the default
  position for the driver's seat and insure that it is returned to that
  position after completing you use of the vehicle and before you leave the
  car and of course, if you are driving someone else's car, return the
  driver's seat to the owner's preferred position.


• Be able to shop for groceries so that when you get home each of you can
  enjoy the meal and demonstrate that skill by sharing equally in the
  responsibility of actually shopping for groceries when the need arises.


• Refrain for eating all of the tastiest snack within 2hrs of its purchase
  


• Assume responsibility for adding to the shopping list all items you use
  that after your use of the item will not allow the next user of that item to
  derive full enjoyment from the item. in plain English, don't put a milk
  carton with less than an ounce of milk back in the refrigerator and expect
  the next user to indicate the need for its replacement.


• Always compliment a new hair style or outfit no matter what it really looks
  like


• Replace articles of clothing for your spouse when laundry mistakes are made
  rather that say "I really never liked that outfit anyway"


• Pass the serving plate to your spouse before serving yourself at all meals
  


• Develop a proficiency in the use of common household cleaning tools like
  vacuums, sponges, mops, dusters, dish washing aids etc and share equally in
  the uses of such tools in order to avoid a board of health citation or
  having your spouse unable to live with you, whichever comes first


• Accept the reality that they are OUR children ALL the time and share equally
  in all aspects physically possible in the parenting of the children


• Participate in all aspects of diapering no matter what the outcome


• Demonstrate proficiency in knowing when the garbage cans are full and
  the ability and knowledge to transport them to the location of the garbage
  pickup area so their contents may be properly disposed of, without being
  asked to do so.


• Accept you partner for who they are and not who you wish they were


• Promise never to unfavorably compare your partner's way of doing things to
  either of your parents

• Acknowledge that reservations are not only places where Indians live and
  allow your spouse to choose the location for the reservation at least twice
  a month


• Agree on the proper resting place for the toilet seat and promise to return
  it to that position when you conclude your business with that device in
  order to prevent surprises to one who is in dire need of the toilet. You
  further agree to replace the toilet paper roll when near the end so the next
  user will not find themselves in a state of need.


• Determine who is afraid of what, Insect, mice or other animal, and agree
  that the less fearful of you will undertake the responsibility of removing
  the insect, mouse or other animal by what ever means is most appropriate and
  humane so that your spouse may once again be restored to the loving and
  caring person you see before you today.


• Acknowledge the sex is a two way treat and unlike pre and post game sporting
  activities, where participation in these events does not deter your
  enjoyment of the main event, you recognize that where sex is concerned pre
  and post event activities can only enhance and extend the experience.


• Understand that just because there are checks in the checkbook does not mean
  there is money in the bank. Recognize that everything has a price and that
  price must be paid. Agree on a method for determining how your finances will
  be spent such that each of you can feel comfortable.
  
  

core beliefs